UpTempo Funk Gonna Give It To You

Every sneakerhead knows which shoe got them into their often very expensive hobby. Usually when someone asks me this question, I say that for me it was the Adidas Superstar, but really it was the brashly branded Nike Air More Uptempo back in 1996. I was not quite 9-years-old when Scottie Pippen’s shoe was released and as a weird kid who pretended they were Pippen rather than Michael Jordan on the elementary school playground basketball court, I was all over these kicks.

Fast forward 21 years and now Nike is releasing a new colorway for the More Uptempo like every hour. Although this shoe doesn’t necessarily fit my usual aesthetic, I had to cop a pair in the colorway I had as a little kid (and begged my grandmother for). This is purely for my own nostalgia, but I was so hesitant in pulling the trigger on a shoe this expensive that I know I wouldn’t wear often, but life works out sometimes and I found these in the colorway I had two decades ago at a Nike Outlet for $40 off retail.

Don’t mind the thick hair, I’m due for a cut.

With a shoe this garish, I wanted to pair them with neutrals that would highlight the kicks and be aesthetically pleasing to myself when I look down at my feet. I love a pattern clash when I’m wearing ties, but for uber casual, neutrals can speak louder than crazy colors and patterns. I love the versatility of this Uniqlo shirt that is an exact replica of the OG107 utility combat shirt. It’s a perfect layering piece and something that can be easily personalized similar to every queer’s wardrobe staple: the denim jacket/vest. It can also be dressed up, dressed down, more femme (pairing it with a statement necklace) less femme, and everything in between. Underneath is a plain white V-neck t-shirt from Uniqlo as well that I got for $3 on sale.

The t-shirt is a little big in the shoulders (The XS ran hella big) and if I’m not constantly adjusting or wearing a top layer it exposes part of my binder. When I started to bind almost two years ago, I used to hate having any part of it showing, but this is something I’ve gotten over and embraced. Who cares about a little shoulder fabric when you feel confident in your clothes and skin?!

I’m Ron Burgundy??

I finally pulled the trigger on getting a Sprezzabox; you know that subscription service for dapper folks (or aspiring dapper folks) to up their game but in the process end up dressing like everyone else who signs up for the service? I was able to get April’s box for $8 and ya’ll know I love a good deal and I’m always on the hunt for a good bargain.

Your dad probably loves this show

This month’s box was The Blacklist theme, I’ve watched this show a few times, I do love James Spader and the items in this box were inspired by his character. There’s tons of gems in this box that definitely make it worth not only $8 but the usual $28. There was an awesome pair of sunglasses, a tie bar, a pocket square, a pair of socks, a money clip, and a great tie.

When I ordered the box, I loved the navy with red polka dot Slate & Stone socks, but I figured they wouldn’t fit me, because of my little boi feet. You folks have no idea how excited I was when I tried them on and they actually FIT my feet! It’s a Dapper AFAB miracle!

One size DOES fit all 😊

The tie is a bit on the conservative side for me, but I love blending “banker” type ties with some streetwear looks. I’m all about skinny ties, so this 2.5 incher is as wide as I’ll go.

I paired it with a very dark blue short sleeve chambray, my Original Penguin bistre chinos (My favorite neutral non-denim pants), and upped the casual factor with my burgundy Vans Dazie-Hi sneakers, and burgundy shades from H&M that I purchased last year.

Burgundy is a great color, and I do wear it a lot in the autumn. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of use out of the tie when October rolls around when I can properly wear it under a navy cardigan or with my gorgeous chocolate brown corduroy Tommy Hilfiger blazer.  I’m on those Florida Summertime Vibes right now, this tie is all about crunchy leaves and Pumpkin Spice Lattes. We’ll meet up again in a few months.

The Pocket Tomboy Finally Talks About Actual Pockets

Is this the first time the Pocket Tomboy is going to be talking about actual pockets on this blog? Yup and they’re tiny pockets on the side of sneakers! KangaRoos reached peak popularity back in the 1980s, I missed their heyday because I was too busy being born to worry about hot kicks. I did however get this pair when the brand was making a comeback in the early Aughts; I bought these in 2003. I never knew about these shoes until I saw an episode of I Love the ’80s on VH1 during the same time. I remember I wanted some wild ’80s colorway that Punky Brewster would have worn, because these shoes are reminiscent of the decade that brought us Aqua Net and Acid Wash. It probably goes without saying, but in the 14 years that these have been in my collection, I haven’t worn hot pink and lime green sneakers all that often.

They sell KangaRoos at Payless now for like $30 and I can’t speak for the quality of those, but the ones that were made in 2003 are pretty great, I remember them being not even close to $30 though. In fact, I saved up some cash from working at my dad’s interior decorating business hanging up vertical blinds over the Summer of 2003 to buy these for school because my parents thought they were ugly and expensive; they were totally right.

Straight Outta a 1980s Safe Sex Ad

You can put various things inside of the pocket, I remember on that episode of I Love the ’80s they mentioned that people would put a condom in the pocket, I tried it and…it’s a snug fit, I would definitely not recommend putting one in there. Some loose change and maybe a few bills? Go right ahead, but be prepared to get some looks when you go down to your feet to pay for your almond milk latte at Starbucks.

Ya’ll know I love me some pink and blue, so I paired these super hot pink sneakers with my bright blue Original Penguin chinos and  this dark blue with multicolor pindot shirt.

Yeah, yeah, you can see me holding my phone in my sunglasses πŸ˜‚

I’m stepping out with more dramatic pattern clashes this spring. I’ve previously worn this shirt with a solid light green bow tie, but this time I went with a light blue floral one by Tommy Hilfiger.

The multicolor pindots on this shirt can pretty much pair with anything; even though I have a lot of clothes I buy pieces that can be worn in many ways with different color palettes. 

If you’re starting to rebuild your wardrobe keep that in mind. Buy pieces that are affordable and can be worn dozens of ways depending on the mood you’re in! I’ve worn this shirt with green chinos, white shorts, pink shorts, you name it. You don’t need an extensive wardrobe to have fun and to create tons of different outfits! πŸ‘

In a Big Country

I’ve been collecting sneakers actively since the late 1990s and I have most of my shoes from my early days of collecting; with an exception of a pair of Boston Bruins colorway Adidas Sambas that I wore the fuck out of in middle school that my mother threw away. I really wish I still I had those. Most of my shoes don’t have cool stories attached to them, unless you think “I picked them up at Finish Line” or “I ordered them online” are cool stories (bro). However, these fresh AF, 16-year-old Adidas Country kicks were purchased out of necessity while on a family vacation in St. Maarten.

These shoes are old enough to drive me around

When you’re an adult and an airline or cruise ship misplaces your luggage that’s pretty damn awful, but when you’re 14 it’s a downright tragedy. All I had to wear on a Caribbean cruise was a black zip up hoodie, a pair of corduroy pants, an Orgy t-shirt, and Dr. Martens (My outfits were very questionable then, I was 14). Really NOT something for a fun in the sun vacation during the holidays. I was given $200 for clothes which was pretty nice of the cruise line, so when we got to St. Maarten I hit up a shop that had some decent threads as opposed to tourist t-shirts that say “One Tequila Two Tequila Three Tequila FLOOR”. I picked up these Brasil-inspired Adidas Country shoes, a few pairs of shorts, and some t-shirts. To make a long story slightly shorter, my luggage never made it on the ship for the entire week and it was safe at a holding facility when we arrived back at the original port. πŸ˜‘ When I came back, I donated the cords, the hoodie, the Orgy t-shirt, the Dr. Martins, and everything else from that trip EXCEPT these awesome Adidas Country shoes.

Yes, I do smile πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜‹

I paired the shoes with this navy, green, and yellow plaid shirt that I got from the Gap when I picked up this awesome shirt about a month ago. It’s a kid’s size XXL (I’m a big kid now!) and fits just like a men’s XS from the Gap. I’ve mentioned in a previous post that I don’t really shop at the Gap, but recently I’ve been finding some cheap outlet gems. 

I’m in love with these UNIQLO selvedge skinny tapered jeans. Because I’m still breaking them in (I’ll do a blog post about these bad boys in a few weeks), my go-to pair of Hudson Nico jeans have been given a bit of a break.

Literally a second after this picture was taken my cat attacked this bow tie

I originally was going to wear a navy knit bow tie, but after putting it on I wasn’t feeling the understated look; especially with the loud yellow shoes, so I decided on this light yellow, pre tied one from Bow Tie Tuesday that I received as a gift a year ago and went funky with a pattern clash. I’m a fan of a pattern clash, in this case a plaid and a thin stripe if the outfit is casual. 

Baby You Can Drive My Car

I love cars, but I’m definitely not going to change your oil while wearing this “Connecticut Casual” outfit. I would, however help you change a tire though by calling AAA. 

Bright pink and bright blue are definitely one of my favorite color combos for springtime. I just can’t have bad vibes when I’m wearing this pink and white gingham oxford from Ralph Lauren that I picked up last year. It’s a piece that does get a lot of use in my wardrobe. I don’t know if it’s a conspiracy or what, but I feel as though Ralph Lauren Blue Label shirts in women’s size small, men’s size extra small, and boys’ large are all cut the same. I have one of each and yes, they fit similar. The only difference were the price points and give or take some tail length. This shirt I’m wearing is a women’s small, but Ralph Lauren (minus the women’s only Lauren line) keeps it neutral with the buttons on the right side. I don’t care about that sort of thing, because I fit well in men’s and boys’ shirts, and will buy a women’s shirt if I like it, but if you’re a woman or an AFAB person who wants to wear more masculine shirts and has a hard time fitting into ones made for cis men, I highly suggest the traditional oxfords for women from Ralph Lauren. Most don’t have darting, the collar comes up higher and tighter on the neck so you can wear a neck or bow tie, and like I said previously, the buttons are on the right side!

Beep! Beep!

I received an email from J. Crew Factory (Why must I give my email to every store I shop at? πŸ€”) a few weeks ago notifying me of a flash sale. I saw this tie for “adults” and it was one of those ties I had to have. I’m really into cars (and critter ties) but the cars on this tie are goofy looking hatchbacks (They kind of look like BMW Isettas) which made me love it even more. Before I checked out, I clicked on the crewcuts section and found the EXACT tie for much cheaper. I thought, “Fuck, I’m short, this tie will definitely work.” It’s a 52 inch tie, which is just slightly shorter than a standard one. It’s skinnier than the adult tie, which is fine because I do prefer thinner ties, but it’s roughly 2 inches, not some micro thin tie, and it’s still 100% silk! Plus, it was $10 with free shipping!

I don’t own a BMW, but these Puma Drift Cat 5 BMW Motorsport driving shoes are perfect for when I’m hitting the pedals of my sensible Subaru Impreza hatchback and bobbing and weaving through the Trader Joe’s parking lot to find a damn space.

0 due at signing Low APR

The shoes are done in a gorgeous BMW navy that I would definitely pick as an exterior color for a 7-series if I ever decided to daily drive one, but knowing how quickly they depreciate and how they’re mechanical nightmares, I’ll stick with the maintenance free shoes thank you very much! Plus, no financing required! 

I love that these shoes have actual mini BMW emblems on the side; not a decal or embroidered on. That’s a big deal considering that these are actually the youth version of the adult shoes and a lot of times manufacturers cut corners when making stuff marketed towards the kiddos. Kudos to Puma to keeping them authentic!

This isn’t a shoe I would normally wear, but I’m actually starting to like this style. It’s that in between of a casual sneaker and an oxford that you can dress up or down. If Puma decides to partner up with Subaru, I’ll be the first to get a pair of those! 

Flower Power

Spring is here! I’ll be real with you, since moving to Florida I don’t really get excited about the change of season, because we just go from warm to hot, but I do like to bring out patterns that are more warm-weather appropriate during this time. Like this totally groovy floral shirt from the Gap that I got several years ago (Inside tag says this was from 2013 but it’s channeling 1973).

Nixon Era Vibes

This shirt rarely sees some play time, but I couldn’t get rid of it during several of my closet cleanses (I have a hard time getting rid of clothes that I don’t wear anymore, just ask the skirts I still have in there! πŸ˜‚) or put it on Poshmark, because everyone needs a shirt that will make them feel like a member of the Partridge Family. This shirt is way too busy for a tie in my opinion and the slightly wide, retro collar would look so out of place with the skinny and slim ones I have in my wardrobe. I buttoned this up all the way (air tie) for a more modern take, but this could definitely be worn with a few buttons undone, but I probably would be quoting Austin Powers all day.  I tucked the shirt in for a more polished look, but really it’s because this shirt got hella big on me since the last time I wore it. This is a size small “boyfriend fit” (πŸ˜‘) shirt and it’s cut very big in the body. 

I have quite a few pairs of Hot Sox Artist Series socks, my favorite being Edvard Munch’s The Scream, but with this green heavy outfit, I went with “A green hilly view of Mt. Fuji over a lake” paired with my Wanted oxfords.

It might not be your jam, but try getting out of your comfort zone this season and incorporate prints and patterns you don’t usually go to. I’m not saying to jump into the waters of ’70s-inspired shirts if that’s too much for you, but try branching out. ✌️

Now Available in Stunning 3D! (No, not really)

Remember the joy you felt when you shook a box of cereal and an “awesome”prize was inside? That was the joy I felt when I saw this Original Penguin micro print oxford from their 3D collection. I would have bought the shirt no matter what because of my rabid obsession over micro prints, but just like the prizes in a cereal box, this shirt came with something useless. A pair of cheesy 3D glasses to use to view a small row of 3D penguins on the inside of the shirt! Ridiculous? Yes, yet it made me want the shirt even more!

Technology from the future!

“Let me look at the inside of my shirt with my 3D glasses.” Said NOBODY EVER.

Enough with the gimmicks, let’s talk about the outfit! I’ve worn this shirt a few times, sometimes with my trusty dark denim Hudson jeans or a pair of pomegranate chinos from Original Penguin, and always with a different tie, but this time I wanted to do a blue on blue look with a hint of red.

I feel like I say I have small feet in every post, and although it’s harder to find good wingtips for small feet than it is to find Bigfoot (Thank you, I’m here all week), I’m blessed, or as the kids say, #blessed that I can snag some awesome kicks that are only available in kids size like these quilted and fleece-lined Chucks.

I bought these in 2015 and it’s so unfortunate that I don’t wear them often, because the color palette in my closet lands on the blue side of things which is perfect for these quilted bad bois, but the words fleece-lined and Florida are rarely spoken in the same paragraph.

Back in my younger days when I first came out, I leaned towards being a “lip gloss lesbian” because I was still somehow holding onto the closeted version of myself. During this time I was into designer bags. This of course was 2006-2007 at the peak of the Coach, Dooney & Bourke yada yada yada logo madness era. I’m proud of my former femme self, and I’m really proud that I somehow managed to not wear Ugg boots during this period. I still use bags from time to time, but I lean towards crossbody bags.

“It’s called a satchel.”

This Coach Charles Varsity stripe crossbody was a gift. Personally, I would never drop a lot of money on bags now, but I was told that they “Bought it at a Coach outlet and it was heavily discounted.” Even if it wasn’t a gift, I might have splurged on this bag, or do what I usually do: Want something, leave the store then two days later go back to buy it. Like I previously stated, I wear tons of blue; it’s the warmest color after all πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚, so this bag practically pairs with everything in my closet, and my butt doesn’t look bulgy anymore from my phone and keys jammed in the back pocket of my jeans or pants.

Doodle Duds

I’m honest about my obsession with all-over micro print shirts. If you peep at my closet (Which maybe I should open up for a blog post?), you’ll see a metric shit ton (correct measurement) of micro print shirts; all categorized. Transportation, Animals, Pindot…you get the idea. However, this kids’ chambray from Quiksilver that I got from a clearance rack at a surf/skate shop fits in none of these categories, because the prints are random as all fuck just like the doodles on a math notebook of a bored middle schooler.

Tacos and cocks. No, my mind is NOT in the gutter…

Did you ever want a shirt with pelicans, pizzas, tacos, volcanoes, chickens, The Eye of Providence, skulls, arrows, horseshoes, tiki gods, palm trees, wishbones, and Quiksilver logos?

Yeah, I didn’t think I wanted a shirt like that either, nor did I think something like this existed, but I’m really glad it does, because it’s such a fun shirt to wear on a day where I don’t feel like slapping on the dapper duds. I paired it with some basic black skinny jeans for a theme park excursion.

If he didn’t wear the same red t-shirt and blue shorts for close to 30 years, I feel that Bart Simpson might have worn the shirt I have on. I don’t really wear these Chucks enough and I’m trying to always find ways to get them out there, but Bart doesn’t really work with bow ties. I bought them back in 2014 when Converse collaborated with The Simpsons to celebrate the show’s 25th anniversary. With my outfits, I always like to add a bit of personality or humor (hence the love of micro prints). I figured, “I’m wearing a shirt that’s made for a 12-year-old boy, why not go all out and whip out the Bart kicks!”

Let’s Talk Purple and Pink

I live in the land of the Mouse (Orlando, FL) and even in February it doesn’t really get cold here. It’s so unfortunate for a former Northeastern person who absolutely loves to layer, but in the time that I’ve lived here, I’ve learned how to layer without feeling like I was in one of those cooking bags you put a pot roast in.

I absolutely adore this women’s hacking jacket that I bought at Banana Republic. The pictures pick up the light blue, purple, and peach flecks more, but in person it’s very subtle. Traditionally, hacking jackets are supposed to be less formal, but this makes me feel uber dressed for some reason. I’m thinking the length has something to do with it.

Dark Purple is a color that I really don’t wear a lot of, so a few weeks ago I went on a quest to slowly introduce it into my wardrobe. For me this means a tie and pocket square. I’ve previously paired this short sleeve (Remember comfortable layering!) Original Penguin “Pink Icing” shirt with a lavender bow tie last summer, but I was looking for something more dramatic for the winter months.

If he wore bow ties, Gordon Gekko would be all over this.

I’m not really a fan of pre tied bow ties. However, I’m also not going to sound like a GQ dick and say, “Don’t wear them, they’re gauche.” Besides, it’s ableist as fuck, because some folx can’t physically tie a tie. If I like the pattern on a bow tie and it just so happens to be a pre tied, I’m going to still get it and add it to my collection. That’s what happened here with this one by Countess Mara. I was thinking of the shirt and hacking jacket and knew it would come together. There are ways to make a pre tied bowtie look more “natural”and less like something on a ventriloquist dummy. I usually “fluff” my tie a bit and fan it slightly out.

Remember when I said I felt uber dressed up in this outfit? Well, I needed something to off set that on a day where I’m just driving around doing errands, so I suited up with these Chuck Taylors that are seriously channeling Monet.

This is kind of a tip to my fellow masc individuals: Don’t be afraid of pinks and purples. I don’t know what it is, but a lot of butches, bois, etc. avoid these colors like the plague. I’m not about to go on a rant about toxic masculinity, but you know where I’m going with this. Embrace colors you wouldn’t usually wear.

Just Try And Grab Me By The Pussy Bowtie

I bought this awesome kitty print bowtie last year right before A-Camp. I previously had my eye on aΒ scissor print bowtie at Brooks Brothers, but I couldn’t justify paying $75 for a crass joke of a tie; instead I saw this “pussy” tie at Kohl’s of all places for a cool $20 on sale. True story, your dad’s go-to store when he needs new jeans actually has some pretty amazing and dapper AF bowties and they’re usually on sale, because the average Kohl’s customer only wears a tie when they have to. I rarely shop at Kohl’s except to search for bowties, but every time I’m in there they’re playing Michael Buble…

I never thought this tie would end up being a political statement, but here we are with a sexual abuser in the White House who thinks it’s fine to grab people by their genitals.

I got this buttery soft, teal, quasi dark green gingham women’s “boyfriend fit” (I can’t stand when brands use this heteronormative term to describe a style) shirt from Banana Republic last year and I usually pair it with a sold burgundy knit tie, but I was in a pattern mixing mood hence the kitty tie! The rust chinos are from Forever 21 Men. I purchased these last year and they wear and wash great especially considering they were under $30. You probably know this already, but clothing marketed towards men is 10000x better in quality than clothing made for women. This is misogynistic as all hell, but it’s the truth especially when it comes to fast fashion places like Forever 21 and H&M.

I started collecting sneakers in 1999 with Adidas Superstars being my favorite kicks in middle school. While I’m mostly a Chuck Taylor fiend now, I still have love for shell toes and they’re back like crazy replacing Stan Smiths for 2017. I picked up these unique two tone colorway Superstars way back in 2003 and kept them fresh since then.

When I wear these out, I get a lot of people asking about them. This time one dude while I was pumping gas said, “Go ‘Noles!” and then wanted to buy them off of me. Sorry bro, not for sale.